Forgotten.

Not seen and not heard. Don’t look at me. I’m a failure. A loser. Lonely. Please don’t use me then leave me. Forget about me. I’m worthless. A burden. A drain on everyone. I hate myself even more than you do. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m hurting. In pain.

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More Tests.

It’s surreal going to the hospital for appointments now in this COVID 19 landscape. It’s oddly quiet. Even the car parks are empty. Shielding has now ended but I don’t feel safe going out if it’s not for an appointment or urgent. Unfortunately not everyone is following the rules. I’ll never understand why it is […]

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Unbiased Lens

I’m scared of being left alone. I fear the time when it happens. Fear of Abandonment has been around me for a long long time. My chest hurts, I struggle to breathe. I’m not ready for this life alone. I know it’s all my fault that I’m single and people don’t like me but it […]

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Rain.

Teardrops on pillows. Heart weighs heavy. Sadness closing in. Anxiety tightens it’s grip. Dark clouds of depression. Hurting. Exhausted. Defeated.

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Insomnia.

No sleep. No rest. No peace. No comfort. Juddering migraines. Painful abdomen. Swollen. Back spasms. Dark thoughts. Intrusive. Continuous. Anxiety. Guilt. Fear.

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Bite Me.

Another day of struggling. Another day weighed heavy with guilt. I pushed through the pain as best as I could today. I’m not sure it was for the best. I’m feeling so unwell and sore. My abdomen is so swollen, it feels like something is trying to escape from within. My head is juddering. Migraines […]

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Beneath.

Looked down upon. Pity. I don’t have many friends, they have all disappeared over the years. Some I realise obviously never cared enough to begin with. Some just drift away and some showed their true colours. I used to be close friends with a couple of people yet as time goes by and their life […]

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Afraid.

I’m scared. I’m scared about what will become of me. I have nothing to offer. No friends. No career. No relationship. Nothing. I’ve nothing to look forward too. I’m forever in pain. The anxiety is crushing me. I’m full to bursting. Full of self loathing, have zero confidence, or self esteem. I have nothing going […]

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Struck Down.

I’ve been even more unwell these last few days than usual, crushing migraines, sickness, discomfort, pains, aches, and generally unwell. I can’t concentrate or function. Doing even a little thing hurts. I can’t distract myself as I can’t watch, listen or talk much as it hurts. I’m fatigued. I’m not sleeping.

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You can’t always get what you want.

That applies to everything in life. Jobs. Career. Relationships. Friendships. Living arrangements. Travel. Social situation. Hobby’s. Finances. Health. Wellbeing. Dreams. Hopes. And everything else in between. I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for a long time. Feeling unhappy/depressed makes me feel guilty. That I should be happy because my family is here with me […]

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Food Guilt.

Hell I feel guilt for everything, doesn’t just have to be about food. Doesn’t even have to make sense. It doesn’t matter what I eat, healthy or not, I feel guilty. I can’t stop looking at the nutritional information on the products. I worry about everything. Which should mean that I’m thin and healthy but […]

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The Dark Side Of The Sun.

I wish I wrote and spoke more eloquently. That I could articulate myself better, not use the same old vocabulary. I wish I could express my emotions instead of just a raw onslaught of words. Maybe sometimes it needs to be raw and honest. I’m not doing very well at the moment, I’m sickly and […]

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Can’t Cope.

Migraines out of control, tightening and constricting. Abdominal pain, discomfort. Period. Breast pains, chest pains. Over emotional. Depressed.

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Circumstance.

Trapped. Lost. Empty. Unsure. Uneasy. My medication is working as it should be so the doctors are going to try to move me onto another drug as well as the current infusions. The problem is that this other drug affected the liver which isn’t great as I already have non alcoholic fatty liver disease. I’ve […]

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Late.

No sleep leads to over sleep. Leads to erratic sleep cycle. Leads to anxiety and depression. Including pain and discomfort. My abdomen is swollen, hard and uncomfortable. My head feels like I’m being stabbed. My chest is tight with anxiety. My breasts are painful and sore.

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